why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She announced her abortion via fbk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
