are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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