are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
