Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
