The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
