I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
