He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
