we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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