best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
