So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
