I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
