I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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