sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
