My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
