I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
