Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
