It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
