And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
