Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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