she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I believe in your delicious
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
