You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
