She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
