I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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