i think i have herpe
just one?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
