I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
