you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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