Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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