im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
