Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I just shit out all my problems.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
