I just saw a hot homeless man
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
