Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
