The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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