some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
