i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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