i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
