I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
