we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
