That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
