Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
