I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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