every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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