You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
