Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
