Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
