I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
