I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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