A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ttyl tear gas
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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