So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
