they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
