VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
